With only 3 weeks and 2 days left until my due date, but knowing that this little guy can come any day now, I am starting to finally feel prepared! The nursery is pretty much all done except for the crib and dresser. The crib will be here this week and we still haven't picked a dresser, but all his clothes are hanging up or folded nicely in a basket. The paint job Eric did looks great! He spent a lot of time painting the nursery.
The changing table is set up and stocked with diapers, wipes, lotions, and blankets. His toys are neatly put away, Bumbo, cradles, and bouncer are all set up, monitors are charged up, and humidifier is ready to go! We finally ordered his car seat, sound machine, pack n play, gym mat, Moby wrap, and thermometer yesterday and they all should be here by Friday!! Baby's bag is packed, by the door with the boppy. Eric will be packing his bag this weekend and I have still have few little things to get before I pack mine.
It feels so good to finally have things prepared! I have been putting it off for so long "just in case" something happens. I still feel like maybe I have jinxed myself by doing it all now, but, I wasn't allowed to wait any longer. From the moment we found out we were expecting (at 4 weeks), up until week 24 really, I worried about miscarriage. Now, though I worry about a still birth. Crazy? maybe. Normal? Absolutely. It's scary thinking that I could spend 40 +/- weeks carrying, growing, feeling this baby and when the big day finally arrives, something happens and we lose him. The devastation I feel thinking about it is unreal sometimes. I do my best to change thoughts when they pop into my head, but sometimes I have to allow myself to go there in order to prepare for the worst.
I am getting anxious for his arrival. I want to keep him in for as long as I can for many reasons: so he is strong and ready, I can continue to feel him move and kick, I'm scared and nervous about being a good mom, among other things. But, at the same time, as soon as I hit 37 weeks on Friday, I would be okay if he decided to make his big entrance into the world! If Eric could have his way, he would stay in there until he was absolutely ready to come out!
People ask me all the time how I have enjoyed pregnancy and I feel guilty when I tell them that for the most part, I haven't. Don't get me wrong, I know I will miss being pregnant terribly when he is born, but I will not miss the 26 weeks of "morning" sickness, or for me-all day sickness, the backache, hip pain, mood swings, constipation, stretch marks, headaches, insomnia, exhaustion, swelling, itchy skin, achy boobs, general uncomfortableness, trouble breathing, hot flashes... you get the idea. But, I have loved and cherished more than anything, ever feeling him move and kick, feeling his hiccups, hearing his heartbeat, getting to see month by month how he has grown and developed. Knowing that when people are talking to me they don't know that he is using my insides as a kick off point to slide back and forth. It's like our little secret. I love my belly, despite the stretch marks that have decided in the past week to appear on the under side of my belly. I love him so much already and love to picture him looking just like Eric, I can't imagine what I will feel when I finally get to see him and hold him. <3
Pregnancy is absolutely a beautiful thing, it just happens to have a lot of gross and crappy side effects.
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