Two posts in one day.
Sunday was Father's Day. It also happened to be my nieces birthday party that day so we had to split time there and at his parents house. He really wanted to go golfing with his dad but the weather was crappy so they only hit the driving range.
Because I don't have a job, I can't really afford to get Eric any gifts for any occasion. I have made him a Father's Day gift but he hasn't gotten it yet. I just wish I could get him everything he wanted. He works so hard to provide for us and support me. I know he gets stressed out a lot being the only one with an income right now, plus we are less than a month away from having a baby. I just wish he knew how much I appreciate and love him. He is an amazing man, which, I know a lot comes from his amazing parents. He is just so caring and understanding, loving and protective, funny and spontaneous. So many things to describe him. I am beyond lucky to have him love me and our baby. I will admit that I am not the easiest person to deal with. I am moody, picky, argumentative at times, and emotional. Add on top of that everything that comes along with being pregnant and he is pretty much a saint! He does such a great job putting up with me! haha I just wish I could give him the moon and more. I wish I could truly show him the happiness he brings me and the amount I love him but I know there is nothing I could do or say to convey that in the exact right way.
It is extremely embarrassing not being able to afford to even get him a simple gift or being able to pay for anything, really. I hope he knows I do not take him for granted one bit and I worry every day that something will happen and he will be taken from me. Every day. Sometimes words just aren't enough. Just saying Happy Father's Day to him, wasn't enough for me. I never thought I would find a love like this.
When I met him, he was married and best friends with my boyfriend at the time. Then, a year later my boyfriend goes off to Cali with the Marines and isn't able to attend my brothers wedding in OCMD so he says it's okay if Eric goes with me. Eric and his wife were having troubles for a long time before this, but I did not know about them, he had already moved back home. So, we go to OCMD and Eric finds out that his wife has been less than faithful to him for sure while we are there and still nothing happens between us. We slow danced and he would pull me in closer, and I realized, my heart belonged to someone else. I have always had a crush on him and my relationship with my bf was always rocky at best. He was a liar, cheater, drinker, controller.
So, after a couple months of spending all our time together, I finally told my bf it was over. For good. And I let myself be happy and fall in love with an incredible man. I have never regretted my decision or looked back or wondered "what if". I hope he has done the same, also.
People talk about us getting married a lot. Just because we are having a baby doesn't mean he wants to marry me. Do I hope, one day he does? Absolutely. My heart and mind are made up. He is the one for me. I love him and his whole family. They have welcomed me with open arms and open hearts. I am truly blessed for them. I hope one day our little "family of 3" will all share the same last name. <3 but, for now, I suppose my son sharing his last name is good.
Saturday Eric, his brother Jon, their friends Rick, Mark, Tracey, Shawn, CJ, and I went to Hershey park for Eric's birthday. Saturday at an amusement park in June the weekend after school lets out might not have been the smartest idea, but I think everyone for the most part enjoyed the day!
I wanted to go to there because Eric and I have gone the past 2 summers. Granted the first time we went together, he was there with his wife and I was there with my boyfriend, but still, I like to think of it as a sort of tradition now. Plus, we both love rollercoasters! I spent the majority of the first half of the day sitting on a bench in the shade reading a book while they rode rides. Being pregnant at an amusement park is not a whole lot of fun haha. Of course though, like usual, I got cranky and hot and super swollen and it made for a miserable afternoon. I feel awful because Eric and I had a spat and I am pretty sure I ruined his day because I was in pain. We had a small scare at one point, but everything turned out fine. After lunch, things got much better! We walked around Zoo America and watched the Sea Lion show. Overall, I had a nice day just being there with him. We plan to go back for Hershey Park in the Dark in October with the baby! I am so excited! I think that will definitely become our family tradition. We have been 4 times now together, usually 2 days in a row each time. We have such fun when we are there together. <3
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Finally Getting Organized!
With only 3 weeks and 2 days left until my due date, but knowing that this little guy can come any day now, I am starting to finally feel prepared! The nursery is pretty much all done except for the crib and dresser. The crib will be here this week and we still haven't picked a dresser, but all his clothes are hanging up or folded nicely in a basket. The paint job Eric did looks great! He spent a lot of time painting the nursery.
The changing table is set up and stocked with diapers, wipes, lotions, and blankets. His toys are neatly put away, Bumbo, cradles, and bouncer are all set up, monitors are charged up, and humidifier is ready to go! We finally ordered his car seat, sound machine, pack n play, gym mat, Moby wrap, and thermometer yesterday and they all should be here by Friday!! Baby's bag is packed, by the door with the boppy. Eric will be packing his bag this weekend and I have still have few little things to get before I pack mine.
It feels so good to finally have things prepared! I have been putting it off for so long "just in case" something happens. I still feel like maybe I have jinxed myself by doing it all now, but, I wasn't allowed to wait any longer. From the moment we found out we were expecting (at 4 weeks), up until week 24 really, I worried about miscarriage. Now, though I worry about a still birth. Crazy? maybe. Normal? Absolutely. It's scary thinking that I could spend 40 +/- weeks carrying, growing, feeling this baby and when the big day finally arrives, something happens and we lose him. The devastation I feel thinking about it is unreal sometimes. I do my best to change thoughts when they pop into my head, but sometimes I have to allow myself to go there in order to prepare for the worst.
I am getting anxious for his arrival. I want to keep him in for as long as I can for many reasons: so he is strong and ready, I can continue to feel him move and kick, I'm scared and nervous about being a good mom, among other things. But, at the same time, as soon as I hit 37 weeks on Friday, I would be okay if he decided to make his big entrance into the world! If Eric could have his way, he would stay in there until he was absolutely ready to come out!
People ask me all the time how I have enjoyed pregnancy and I feel guilty when I tell them that for the most part, I haven't. Don't get me wrong, I know I will miss being pregnant terribly when he is born, but I will not miss the 26 weeks of "morning" sickness, or for me-all day sickness, the backache, hip pain, mood swings, constipation, stretch marks, headaches, insomnia, exhaustion, swelling, itchy skin, achy boobs, general uncomfortableness, trouble breathing, hot flashes... you get the idea. But, I have loved and cherished more than anything, ever feeling him move and kick, feeling his hiccups, hearing his heartbeat, getting to see month by month how he has grown and developed. Knowing that when people are talking to me they don't know that he is using my insides as a kick off point to slide back and forth. It's like our little secret. I love my belly, despite the stretch marks that have decided in the past week to appear on the under side of my belly. I love him so much already and love to picture him looking just like Eric, I can't imagine what I will feel when I finally get to see him and hold him. <3
Pregnancy is absolutely a beautiful thing, it just happens to have a lot of gross and crappy side effects.
The changing table is set up and stocked with diapers, wipes, lotions, and blankets. His toys are neatly put away, Bumbo, cradles, and bouncer are all set up, monitors are charged up, and humidifier is ready to go! We finally ordered his car seat, sound machine, pack n play, gym mat, Moby wrap, and thermometer yesterday and they all should be here by Friday!! Baby's bag is packed, by the door with the boppy. Eric will be packing his bag this weekend and I have still have few little things to get before I pack mine.
It feels so good to finally have things prepared! I have been putting it off for so long "just in case" something happens. I still feel like maybe I have jinxed myself by doing it all now, but, I wasn't allowed to wait any longer. From the moment we found out we were expecting (at 4 weeks), up until week 24 really, I worried about miscarriage. Now, though I worry about a still birth. Crazy? maybe. Normal? Absolutely. It's scary thinking that I could spend 40 +/- weeks carrying, growing, feeling this baby and when the big day finally arrives, something happens and we lose him. The devastation I feel thinking about it is unreal sometimes. I do my best to change thoughts when they pop into my head, but sometimes I have to allow myself to go there in order to prepare for the worst.
I am getting anxious for his arrival. I want to keep him in for as long as I can for many reasons: so he is strong and ready, I can continue to feel him move and kick, I'm scared and nervous about being a good mom, among other things. But, at the same time, as soon as I hit 37 weeks on Friday, I would be okay if he decided to make his big entrance into the world! If Eric could have his way, he would stay in there until he was absolutely ready to come out!
People ask me all the time how I have enjoyed pregnancy and I feel guilty when I tell them that for the most part, I haven't. Don't get me wrong, I know I will miss being pregnant terribly when he is born, but I will not miss the 26 weeks of "morning" sickness, or for me-all day sickness, the backache, hip pain, mood swings, constipation, stretch marks, headaches, insomnia, exhaustion, swelling, itchy skin, achy boobs, general uncomfortableness, trouble breathing, hot flashes... you get the idea. But, I have loved and cherished more than anything, ever feeling him move and kick, feeling his hiccups, hearing his heartbeat, getting to see month by month how he has grown and developed. Knowing that when people are talking to me they don't know that he is using my insides as a kick off point to slide back and forth. It's like our little secret. I love my belly, despite the stretch marks that have decided in the past week to appear on the under side of my belly. I love him so much already and love to picture him looking just like Eric, I can't imagine what I will feel when I finally get to see him and hold him. <3
Pregnancy is absolutely a beautiful thing, it just happens to have a lot of gross and crappy side effects.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
A quickish update.
So today we are only 30 days from our due date! I am so excited even though I know he can come before or after July 12th... I just hope it's not after! I am getting fully prepared now, even though it seems like we have nothing accomplished. I have washed, hung, and folded all of Ben's clothes, blankets, bibs, and towels. Eric finished painting the nursery 2 nights ago and our crib is being ordered tomorrow and should arrive by Wednesday! we still have to pick out a dresser but we have a changing table already and décor is being ordered tomorrow, also.
I am so excited to be moving right along with his nursery, for the longest time I felt like nothing was getting done and it was frustrating to walk past his room knowing we aren't even close to being ready! I have registered my breast pump, washed all bottles, nipples, and pacifiers (which I am not sure if we will be using them, yet) I attempted to put his bouncer together, but opened the box and looked at the directions and got very intimidated so I think I will save that and the rock-n-play sleepers for Eric haha.
The weather has been pretty crappy here the past few days and all I want to do is go to my parents and lay by the pool! It has also stopped me from cleaning out my car!! My car is only 1 year old and it tends to somehow collect everything I own. The trunk has things I never unpacked from when Eric and I moved and the backseat collects bags and blankets and everything under the sun. Except garbage. we are very good about that. But, it has been bugging me lately because I want everything all cleaned out of there and the car washed inside and out before we put the car seat, which, we haven't ordered yet, (also tomorrow) in there.
I am feeling pretty good, luckily! Night time is the worst. I can't sleep and when I do fall asleep I can't stay asleep. I wake up to pee every hour, my hips hurt no matter what I do and use, I get hungry. It's extremely frustrating at this point because all I want to do is sleep! So, I guess I am lucky though because I don't work right now and can take naps throughout the day. Lazy! haha
Eric has still continued to be pretty amazing through all of this: my insane mood swings, my attitude, the growing process, morning sickness, exhaustion, stress, lack of motivation... everything. I could not be more blessed to have found him and to have a man that is so supportive and understanding through something that is still very hard for me to process at times and understand fully what exactly is going on. Seriously, so blessed.
I am so excited to be moving right along with his nursery, for the longest time I felt like nothing was getting done and it was frustrating to walk past his room knowing we aren't even close to being ready! I have registered my breast pump, washed all bottles, nipples, and pacifiers (which I am not sure if we will be using them, yet) I attempted to put his bouncer together, but opened the box and looked at the directions and got very intimidated so I think I will save that and the rock-n-play sleepers for Eric haha.
The weather has been pretty crappy here the past few days and all I want to do is go to my parents and lay by the pool! It has also stopped me from cleaning out my car!! My car is only 1 year old and it tends to somehow collect everything I own. The trunk has things I never unpacked from when Eric and I moved and the backseat collects bags and blankets and everything under the sun. Except garbage. we are very good about that. But, it has been bugging me lately because I want everything all cleaned out of there and the car washed inside and out before we put the car seat, which, we haven't ordered yet, (also tomorrow) in there.
I am feeling pretty good, luckily! Night time is the worst. I can't sleep and when I do fall asleep I can't stay asleep. I wake up to pee every hour, my hips hurt no matter what I do and use, I get hungry. It's extremely frustrating at this point because all I want to do is sleep! So, I guess I am lucky though because I don't work right now and can take naps throughout the day. Lazy! haha
Eric has still continued to be pretty amazing through all of this: my insane mood swings, my attitude, the growing process, morning sickness, exhaustion, stress, lack of motivation... everything. I could not be more blessed to have found him and to have a man that is so supportive and understanding through something that is still very hard for me to process at times and understand fully what exactly is going on. Seriously, so blessed.
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Dear baby- please get off my bladder and let me breathe a little today! I have been dealing with trouble breathing for about 3 weeks now, but today is the worst, yet! I can't sit up and breathe, I can't lay down and breathe, I can't walk and breathe! I also fell asleep last night around 1:30 Am only to wake up every hour to pee! I am NOT kidding! Since being awake today, it has been worse! Ouy! I have been dealing with the frequent urination during the night for about a month now, but, like I said, last night and today are the worst!
So, Eric and I have mentioned to each other everyday for the past 3 months that we need to sign up for our 1 full day of birthing class. I finally remembered to call today and the only class before my due date is all filled up... Duh. Like I thought it wouldn't be?! So, we are on a waiting list... but I am not too worried. I feel very prepared. I read everything I could/can on childbirth and the aftermath, and breastfeeding. I feel okay. I am not really kicking myself for procrastinating. I feel bad for Eric, though. haha But, I think he will be fine. He brushes up on stuff from time to time and we are both very supportive of each other and our families have a lot of knowledge on the topic, also.
I spent 4 hours yesterday organizing all of our gifts from the shower. That was just pulling all the clothes we received out of bags and boxes and putting into one GIANT gift bag, organizing all the different bath stuff we received, and toys. I have no clue where we will store the over 30 boxes and packages of diapers we received. Plus, all the wipes! (We asked the men coming to the shower to bring a pack of diapers or wipes.) I am now anxious for our giant bottle of Dreft to arrive so I can start washing all his clothes and blankets! I have a feeling it will take me a while! haha.
Something funny happened today, also. I was going to re-fill my water bottle for the 4th time today when a thought popped into my head. We are having a baby. I know, I know... Seriously, Chelsey? You are 34 weeks pregnant and you are JUST realizing this?! No. I have known. haha But it hit me that our baby will grow up to be a toddler, to a kid, to a pre-teen, to a teen, and then to an adult. The responsibility to have him grow up to be a kind, good hearted, happy human being is on the shoulders of Eric and me. which, I also have known all along, but I think that since my due date is rapidly approaching, it is making me worry, like normal I suppose, that I may fail. I try to tell myself all of those thoughts and feelings though are normal. Eric has a good heart, he is kind, generous, funny, and helpful, among other things as am I. Our families are loving and caring and supportive. I know baby Detwiler will be just fine. how could he not with all of the amazing people in his life? We do not let any negative people in our lives and certainly will not have them in his!
So, Eric and I have mentioned to each other everyday for the past 3 months that we need to sign up for our 1 full day of birthing class. I finally remembered to call today and the only class before my due date is all filled up... Duh. Like I thought it wouldn't be?! So, we are on a waiting list... but I am not too worried. I feel very prepared. I read everything I could/can on childbirth and the aftermath, and breastfeeding. I feel okay. I am not really kicking myself for procrastinating. I feel bad for Eric, though. haha But, I think he will be fine. He brushes up on stuff from time to time and we are both very supportive of each other and our families have a lot of knowledge on the topic, also.
I spent 4 hours yesterday organizing all of our gifts from the shower. That was just pulling all the clothes we received out of bags and boxes and putting into one GIANT gift bag, organizing all the different bath stuff we received, and toys. I have no clue where we will store the over 30 boxes and packages of diapers we received. Plus, all the wipes! (We asked the men coming to the shower to bring a pack of diapers or wipes.) I am now anxious for our giant bottle of Dreft to arrive so I can start washing all his clothes and blankets! I have a feeling it will take me a while! haha.
Something funny happened today, also. I was going to re-fill my water bottle for the 4th time today when a thought popped into my head. We are having a baby. I know, I know... Seriously, Chelsey? You are 34 weeks pregnant and you are JUST realizing this?! No. I have known. haha But it hit me that our baby will grow up to be a toddler, to a kid, to a pre-teen, to a teen, and then to an adult. The responsibility to have him grow up to be a kind, good hearted, happy human being is on the shoulders of Eric and me. which, I also have known all along, but I think that since my due date is rapidly approaching, it is making me worry, like normal I suppose, that I may fail. I try to tell myself all of those thoughts and feelings though are normal. Eric has a good heart, he is kind, generous, funny, and helpful, among other things as am I. Our families are loving and caring and supportive. I know baby Detwiler will be just fine. how could he not with all of the amazing people in his life? We do not let any negative people in our lives and certainly will not have them in his!
Monday, June 3, 2013
A Baby Storm for Baby Detwiler!!
So, yesterday was our baby shower...but it was more of a baby storm! We had 73 people there! Not including the children! It was such an amazing day! I was a bit overwhelmed and overemotional, but, I did good!
It started at 1, but my day started it 9 AM and I felt like everything wasn't going right. my outfit-wrong. Make-up-wrong. Hair-wrong. Just one of those mornings! Luckily I had about an hour to spend with my best friend to chat and vent and cry to while she did my hair. Then it was off to the venue-our friends restaurant. We had the whole place to ourselves. When I got there, my mom, Eric's parents and sister were all there setting up and decorating. It was only 11:30 and everything was coming along great! The food was all ready and there was SOOO much DELICIOUS food!! Some made by our friend and some by our families! The food was definitely a hit!!
People started to roll in around 12:45 and by 1:15 the party was in full swing! We did it a little different and allowed men and children, also. We also had the bar open for anyone who wanted a drink. Eric and I aren't stuffy people and we love to have fun and spend time with our friends and family so we wanted a celebration more than a normal shower. Things were going so well we didn't even play any of the games!
around 2:30 we decided we better start opening gifts! With the help of Eric opening also, we finished right around 4:00! To say we are overwhelmed with love and gratitude for everyone for showering us and baby Detwiler with such amazing and heartfelt gifts and words, is an understatement. I had to take a couple breathers to keep from crying in front of everyone! It was such an incredible day and experience. Everyone definitely had a blast and that makes me super happy!!!
Eric and I feel so unbelievably blessed and loved more so now than ever. It was a fast paced, loud, fun day filled with family and friends we love much. I am beyond grateful for all of the gifts and well wishes people gave to us for baby Detwiler. I could not have asked for a better day, and, a huge thank you goes out to my mom, Eric's mom and sister. They went above and beyond for us for our shower and kept their cool when dealing with our suggestions and ideas haha.
But, now that the shower is over, I feel like a weight has lifted off of my shoulders. My emotions are in better check today and I do not feel so overwhelmed! What a relief!!! We are only 39 days away from our due date and knowing he can make his grand arrival into our world sooner. Or later... than that is exciting and frightening all at the same time! But I know it will all be okay whenever I look at Eric and see his smile and excitement in his eyes I know I am not alone in this. I know he will protect and care for us the best he can and more. He will/does love us with all his heart and he is above all, happy. <3
It started at 1, but my day started it 9 AM and I felt like everything wasn't going right. my outfit-wrong. Make-up-wrong. Hair-wrong. Just one of those mornings! Luckily I had about an hour to spend with my best friend to chat and vent and cry to while she did my hair. Then it was off to the venue-our friends restaurant. We had the whole place to ourselves. When I got there, my mom, Eric's parents and sister were all there setting up and decorating. It was only 11:30 and everything was coming along great! The food was all ready and there was SOOO much DELICIOUS food!! Some made by our friend and some by our families! The food was definitely a hit!!
People started to roll in around 12:45 and by 1:15 the party was in full swing! We did it a little different and allowed men and children, also. We also had the bar open for anyone who wanted a drink. Eric and I aren't stuffy people and we love to have fun and spend time with our friends and family so we wanted a celebration more than a normal shower. Things were going so well we didn't even play any of the games!
around 2:30 we decided we better start opening gifts! With the help of Eric opening also, we finished right around 4:00! To say we are overwhelmed with love and gratitude for everyone for showering us and baby Detwiler with such amazing and heartfelt gifts and words, is an understatement. I had to take a couple breathers to keep from crying in front of everyone! It was such an incredible day and experience. Everyone definitely had a blast and that makes me super happy!!!
Eric and I feel so unbelievably blessed and loved more so now than ever. It was a fast paced, loud, fun day filled with family and friends we love much. I am beyond grateful for all of the gifts and well wishes people gave to us for baby Detwiler. I could not have asked for a better day, and, a huge thank you goes out to my mom, Eric's mom and sister. They went above and beyond for us for our shower and kept their cool when dealing with our suggestions and ideas haha.
But, now that the shower is over, I feel like a weight has lifted off of my shoulders. My emotions are in better check today and I do not feel so overwhelmed! What a relief!!! We are only 39 days away from our due date and knowing he can make his grand arrival into our world sooner. Or later... than that is exciting and frightening all at the same time! But I know it will all be okay whenever I look at Eric and see his smile and excitement in his eyes I know I am not alone in this. I know he will protect and care for us the best he can and more. He will/does love us with all his heart and he is above all, happy. <3
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