My Journey with Breastfeeding.

So, I currently breastfeed Ben as much as possible but I also have to supplement quite a bit since I just do not have enough breast tissue to produce enough milk to exclusively breastfeed. I suppose I could just quit and formula feed my baby. Hell, it would be easier, wouldn't it? I suppose so...but then I would be denying my son the best food for him.

 Now, I am not all "breast is best and if you don't breastfeed you are the worst mother" but I do agree, breast is best, and despite all my trying to increase my supply...seriously...everything, I just am not able to. It was and still is a struggle to accept that. Before I got pregnant I swore I would NEVER breast feed!! I thought it wasn't natural and it shouldn't be done in public. Then I found out I was pregnant and I automatically started researching everything about breastfeeding and how to make it work and last. I couldn't wait for the moment they put my baby in my arms and have him latch on! I just kept telling Eric how I couldn't wait to have that moment. Skip ahead 40 weeks and 3 days with my son in my arms and latched on perfectly on his own, I looked up at Eric with tears in my eyes and said "this is what I have been waiting for."

Ben is now 13 weeks and I am still able to breastfeed him. It may not be much but it is certainly better than none. I have struggled emotionally with not being able to exclusively breastfeed and I am anxious for the day Ben no longer wants to nurse. Sometimes I do wonder if I should just give up and sometimes I want to. I thankfully never had any nipple pain except for one cracked nipple that bled for about two days. I am tired all the time. I pump when Eric gives him a bottle I pump after I give him a bottle and nurse. Pumping sucks. Plain out sucks. It is time consuming when I don't have any extra time, it is uncomfortable, and it breaks my heart when I spend 45 minutes pumping only to get 2 oz at the most andddd then I drop it on the kitchen floor and cry. I don't need that. I can just stop to make my life easier. But I won't. I will do it for as long as I can for my son. I suppose this is just one of two aspects of Attached Parenting I have. The other being babywearing.

Breastfeeding is a journey and not an easy one but I refuse to give up and I get defensive when other moms and non-moms tell me to just quit. It is NOT your decision and I did NOT ask for your opinion. I'm sorry that it grossed you out to do it, that you think it is inappropriate to nurse in public, that you think it will mess your sons up when they are older and won't be able to have a healthy sexual relationship with a woman. (seriously, a stranger told me that one.) It is MY choice, MY son, and I do NOT care what you think. I am not whipping my boobs out in public, I use a cover for my own comfort, not yours. Do not come up and thank me for being considerate of others who get uncomfortable around public nursers. Get over yourself. This is the most beautiful, natural, greatest thing I have ever done and I am proud of what I can give my son. I comfort him when he is sad, I put him to sleep when he is tired, I nourish him the best I can before and after every bottle. I suggest every mother atleast TRY breastfeeding and if it just isn't for you, than fine, I do NOT judge if you want to give your child formula, I have no other choice to so I have no right to judge. Before I had a baby I admit that I did and I was so wrong in doing so.

Also, make sure you have the love and support from your significant other-whether it be your husband, boyfriend, wife, girlfriend whomever. Eric has supported me through and through this whole experience and I am not sure I could have done it without him. I cried for a month straight over not being able to exclusively breastfeed and he was there for me when I wanted to stop. He was supportive and loving and understanding and kept pushing me and reminding me how much our son loves our "cuddle time" together. (that is what we call it to other people when I have to nurse him). I was able to talk to him about all my concerns and worries, about all the things I wanted to try that could possibly increase my supply. He was right there to buy whatever it was I needed to accomplish that. Gatorade, Mother's Milk Tea, flax seed, lactation blend vitamins, fenugreek, every oatmeal product out there, lactation cookies (i have 4 lbs of ground flax seed in my pantry)..I think you see how he has been supportive of me.

A Rained Out Night and a Delicious Recipe!!!

Friday we had our annual family and friends party at Roba's Family Farm. We rent a party tent, everyone brings food, and we hang out. There is TONS to do there! Pick pumpkins, launch pumpkins, piglets races, big bouncy thing, a store, campfires.. lots of family fun! We got there around 6:15 and were promptly rained out and had to leave! I was so bummed out! We also took my niece, Maddy with us. So, we decided to buy Maddy some crafts and she was going to spend the night and hang out with me and Ben while Eric had a guys night at my brothers.

I was a little nervous to have both baby and Maddy by myself overnight, but it was so much fun! Maddy helped me give Ben his tubby and we watched a movie and ate popcorn and painted crafts. Maddy and the baby were asleep by 11:30 and I was asleep by 12:30! 

I am glad Eric went to hang out with my one brother and some friends. He needed some away, guy time. He seemed to enjoy himself, too. 

Saturday, we had my parents 32nd wedding anniversary dinner. 32 years! Way to go mom and dad!! We dropped Ben off at Erics parents, got dressed up and headed to the Casino for dinner at Ruth's Chris steakhouse. I wore heels for the first time in a year! My feet were so sore!! haha It was a nice dinner. Delicious martinis! Eric and I each had one.

We are keeping busy. I am trying new recipes every week I find off of pinterest... I made stuffed pepper casserole... delicious! It is definitely a must try! Here is the recipe! It is from the A Kitchen Addiction blog. Awesome! I did use ground turkey instead of ground beef and it was just as delicious! I just browned the ground turkey in about 1 tablespoon of veg. oil.

That is all for now! I will post more recipes of dishes I have tried in a different post with my comments on each one.